SOCIALISM MEDIA: Holdout Soviet-Era Communist Soldier Found To Be Spreading Evil Ideology On Discord Server!!

Infecting the fragile minds of our youth with CAPITALIST HATING, STALINIST PROPAGANDA, our coked-up team of online sleuths has uncovered a DANGEROUS 99-year-old Soviet guerrilla who has been FIGHTING the Cold War in a voice channel with his Discord kittens for 79 STRAIGHT YEARS!!!

"We must CRUSH capitalism into the DIRT before it DESTROYS the motherland FOREVER!!" wrote the STUBBORN Bolshevik in a Discord server centred around MINECRAFT?! "The EVIL America PIGS will NOT break my resolve! The Soviet Union will come out VICTORIOUS! Alongside our BROTHERS IN ARMS across Yugoslavia and West Germany, we WILL PREVAIL!! We will HOLD THE MEANS OF PRODUCTION UNTIL OUR DYING BREATHE!!!"

Most EVILLY, the 99-year-old WOKE LIBERAL CUCK, who believes the Discord server is home to like-minded FOOLS rather than innocent, America LOVING teenagers, INSISTS he will NOT STAND DOWN or SURRENDER until a Red Army commander PERSONALLY joins a voice channel and FORMALLY DISMISSES him from duty??

"Huh?" said the BRAINWASHED 17-year-old Discord mod of the SUPPOSED CHRISTIAN-VALUES Discord server when we hunted him down for comment!! "What the FUCK are you talking about?! That guy ISN'T a 99-year-old Communist soldier!! He's just my buddy Derek who likes ZOHRAN MAMDANI!!"

BEFORE THEY TAKE THIS DOWN: While Derek may not be a geriatric COMMUNIST SCUM soldier who refuses to believe the Cold War ended and rather a figment of our imaginations, the ghost of JOSEPH STALIN is most certainly REAL, and he is coming to FORCE you to put PRONOUNS IN YOUR BIO!!!