KACHOW: Visionary Elon Musk Reveals New Tesla Roadster That Will Burst Into Flames Faster Than Any Previous Model!!!

Proving the TECHNOPHOBIC NAYSAYERS WRONG once again, Tesla CEO and BASED ALPHA MALE Elon Musk unveiled the long-awaited NEW Tesla Roadster, which cannot just FLY, but is promised to BURST INTO A FIERY INFERNO faster than any previous electric vehicle on the market!!

"Unlike the leftist ‘safety first’ AGITATORS, we here at the REVOLUTIONARY Tesla are building the FUTURE," said the DREAM MAKER Musk himself as he stood next to the WORLD STOPPING Roadster ENGULFED in an AMERICA FIRST BLAZE!! "I will PERSONALLY ensure that every Roadster that makes it to production, which will be a MASSIVE zero of them, will ERUPT INTO AN ANTI-WOKE, LIBERAL-DESTROYING, LITHIUM-POWERED FIRE MIDAIR AT OVER 200MPH!!!"

And right on cue, the CORPORATE DRONES over at the LESSER mainstream media have accused the GENIUS Elon Musk of creating a supposed "death trap." These WEAK, SOFT, SAFE-SPACE SOY CUCKS do not understand what makes the Roadster the GREATEST achievement in automotive HISTORY! Meanwhile, these WOKESTERS rely upon BETA MALE CRUTCHES like "seatbelts," "airbags," "fire extinguishers," "safety inspections," and "regulations." But not the ADRENALINE and KETAMINE-FUELLED Elon!! NOPE! This BIG BRAIN entrepreneur is too busy building the FUTURE and IMPREGNATING EVERY WOMAN IN A 1000 MILE RADIUS to care about their LOW TESTOSTERONE BULLSHIT!!

"I OFFER MY PRAYERS to all the BRAVE PATRIOTS who sign up and PERISH while road testing this FREE SPEECH MACHINE!!" continued the ABSOLUTE UNIT that Elon "The Le Epic Memester" Musk! "Together we can DESTROY the WEAK MAINSTREAM MANUFACTURERS like Ford and Hyundai, who WASTE time and money on CRAP like ‘safety features’ rather than funnelling all that cash directly into installing DOOM ONTO THE TOUCHSCREEN so you can BARREL DOWN THE HIGHWAY WHILE KILLING DEMONS AND MOWING DOWN SIDEWALK-USING, BLUE-HAIRED LIBS!!!"

BEFORE THEY TAKE THIS DOWN: Our source's dad who works at Tesla confirmed that the new Roadster will feature a TRANSGENDER SELF-DESTRUCT MODE, designed to BLOW UP the vehicle and EVISCERATE anyone inside to PROTECT them from anyone who DARES to IMPOSE the TRANS AGENDA nearby them!!