CONNECTICRINGE: Forgettable Connecticut Was Invented By Big Map To Make Other States Feel Superior By Comparison!!!

Proving ONCE AND FOR ALL that NO ONE thinks about this WORTHLESS addition to the GREAT NATION OF AMERICA, sources confirmed that the state of Connecticut was FORCIBLY added to the union by BIG MAP in an effort to make other states feel SUPERIOR when compared to the FORGETTABLE WASTELAND!!!

"This is something THEY DO NOT WANT YOU TO KNOW!!" said BRAVE WHISTLEBLOWER and former CIA agent Brice Kent, who was RUTHLESSLY FIRED after he did something we all do at work: SHITTING IN THE WATER COOLER! "They SCIENTIFICALLY ENGINEERED Connecticut to be the most MUNDANE and BORING state!! Power-players like the DEEP STATE, GOOGLE MAPS, and BIG CARTOGRAPHY added it to the United States to make other members of the union feel BETTER about themselves!!"

According to what Kent told us here in our SECURE BUNKER buried beneath an old TOYS "R" US, the LIZARD PEOPLE at BIG MAP created Yale University for the sole purpose of making other universities across our FINE, GREAT NATION look even MORE PRESTIGIOUS by comparison!! The DEEP STATE also supposedly screened every resident of the BLAND state to ensure they were BORING, UNINTERESTING, and ELICITED the correct amount of "MEH" when thought about before they could move in!

"Just you wait, I HAVE MORE!" bellowed Brice Kent as he MUNCHED on some EXTREMELY SNACKABLE DORITOS we STOLE from a nearby Walmart!! "Not only did BIG MAP and the DEEP STATE FORCE the LAME Connecticut onto us RED-BLOODED ALPHA AMERICANS, the state was actually originally part of BRITAIN!!! Just before the REVOLUTION, the English used a HACKSAW and HAULED the SHITHOLE onto the American PENINSULA WITHOUT OUR CONSENT!!!!"

BEFORE THEY TAKE THIS DOWN: We tried travelling to Connecticut to see how the DEEP STATE had gotten away with such a NEFARIOUS PLOT, but we had to RUN AWAY as soon as we crossed the border, the place was so boring we can't even bring ourselves to use caps lock!!!